How to use The ‘Self Regulation Cup’
Now that we have an understanding of how self-regulation works—and how the self-regulation cup can help us better understand our children’s needs—let’s discuss how we can reduce the likelihood of meltdowns.
While some meltdowns are inevitable and developmentally appropriate (especially in younger children), there are proactive steps we can take to better support regulation and set our kids up for the most success!
Let’s investigate based on each part of our self regulation cup…
1. Biological Needs
Start by checking in on your child’s basic biological needs:
Did your child get enough sleep last night?
When was the last time they ate?
Are they starting to get sick?
Strategies to Support Biological Regulation:
Create a consistent bedtime routine to support quality sleep hygiene practices and overall regulation.
Plan outings for after naps or meals when possible, so your child is rested and well-fed.
Keep healthy snacks on hand to address hunger before it leads to dysregulation.
Avoid planning high-demand or new experiences when your child is becoming sick
2. Sensory Needs
Understanding your child’s sensory profile is key to supporting their self-regulation:
What are your child’s unique sensory preferences?
Across all 8 sensory systems, do they need more or less input to feel regulated?
* Consider speaking with an occupational therapist to better understand your child’s specific sensory needs and strategies*
Sensory Regulation Strategies:
Offer scheduled sensory breaks throughout the day, especially before big events or transitions.
Bring sensory supports with you (e.g., noise-cancelling headphones, chewy tools, weighted vests).
Watch for early signs of sensory overload—meltdowns aren’t always loud; they might show up as silliness, shutting down, or withdrawal.
3. Activity Demands
The expectations we place on our children can sometimes exceed their current abilities or readiness. Ask yourself:
Is this activity developmentally appropriate for my child?
How much support will they need, and can I provide it right now?
Do they have the foundational skills needed for this activity?
Is the expected attention span realistic for their age?
How does my child learn best—through visuals, verbal instructions, trial and error, or a combination?
Do they have the working memory to remember multi-step instructions? If not, how can I support them?
Activity Support Strategies:
Break down tasks into manageable steps and provide assistance as needed (“just right challenge”).
Use visual supports alongside verbal instructions to reduce cognitive load.
Start with simple expectations to build confidence and skills gradually.
Practice foundational components in isolation before introducing more complex versions (e.g., teach how to dribble, pass, and shoot before playing a full soccer game).
Summary
While meltdowns can’t always be avoided, asking the right questions and using proactive strategies can make a significant difference. It’s important to remember that a meltdown is not simply “bad behavior” or a temper tantrum—it’s often a signal that something deeper is going on.
By looking beyond the behavior and tuning into your child’s underlying needs, you can support them in feeling more safe, understood, and capable - which can also help with your own well being!