The ‘Self Regulation Cup’
Have you ever wondered why your child can seem totally fine one minute—and then suddenly have a meltdown over asking them to complete a small task? You’re not alone. One helpful way I have found to understand this is through the concept of the Self-Regulation Cup, see above.
Think of your child’s ability to manage their emotions, behaviour, and respond to activity demands as a cup that slowly fills up throughout the day. When that cup overflows, we start to see outward behaviours—meltdowns, refusals, shutdowns, or fight-or-flight reactions. When we do see these outward behaviours, we want to critically think “Why is my child behaving this way” and “Why now?”…
1. Biological Needs – The Base of the Cup
At the bottom of the cup are your child’s biological needs: things like sleep, hunger, hydration, health etc. These are the foundation of self-regulation, without our basic biological needs being met, it is very challenging to add any demands and expect a child to regulate. If even one of these is unmet (think hanger or overtired), it starts to add to the cup.
2. Sensory Needs – The Internal and External Environments
Next up are sensory needs. This includes input from all 8 sensory systems (yes, there are more than five!): touch, movement, sight, sound, taste, smell, vestibular, proprioception and interoception. In an ideal world, we would have the Just Right amount of input for each of these systems to assist in regulation.
Some children require more input for specific sensory systems, and meet their needs by running, jumping, chewing. While others find input overwhelming and will avoid input. Having too much or not enough input can cause dysregulation and add more to their cups.
3. Activity Demands – Tasks and Expectations
Once biological and sensory needs are dealt with, we move into activity demands— where we ask children to complete tasks, learn, play and perform complex motor tasks for daily life. The specific type of activity, previous practice opportunities and skills acquired, how instructions are delivered and how much adult assistance will be provided all can impact the child’s confidence in their ability to complete the activity and therefore add to their cup.
Even if a child can do a task, on days when their cup is already half full, adding a demand can be the tipping point.
4. What We See – The Overflow
When the cup gets too full, that’s when the behaviours show up: meltdowns, refusals, shutdowns, or explosive moments. Each child may react in a different way, sometimes making it hard for other’s to know they are dysregulated and require our assistance. These behaviours don’t mean your child is being difficult—it means their cup is overflowing, and they’ve run out of the regulation capacity to cope.
Final Thoughts
The Self-Regulation Cup helps us to think critically about the behaviours we see from our children and assist us in planning more proactive ways to predict and avoid moments of dysregulation - when possible. There are certain times where we will not be able to prevent these moments, but at least it helps us understand the Why slightly more.
In our next blog post we will discuss some specific strategies parents can use to reduce the likelihood of a meltdown and increase a child’s ability to fill their cup!